


i want you (bless my soul)

by tongham



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Pining, junho is a sunshine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:15:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24557530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tongham/pseuds/tongham
Summary: with junho’s true colors on full display, eunsang is the only member to remain relatively unfazed in his presence, comfortable with the way things have been. however, the voiced thoughts of the others cause him to reflect on it. the junho whom eunsang has come to know is so much unlike his handsomely mysterious aura from march, so much unlike the robotic box he was shoved into during the program to simplify editing and storylines. it’s a simple assertion, but junho is so much more than just a plot point.cha junho is not cold or emotionless or whatever other adjectives get thrown his way. he has his moments of shyness, is awful at masking his emotions, and talks too much sometimes. cha junho is the most human person eunsang has ever met and, by association, he is led to believe that junho is as close to perfect as they come.
Relationships: Cha Junho/Lee Eunsang
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	i want you (bless my soul)

**Author's Note:**

> hello i’m back finally!! everyone point and laugh at the junsangist in 2020. i wrote this last august, but it was disjointed and kinda sucked from being out of practice :( most of the scenes are the same but i added so much monologue because i miss junho hhhhh
> 
> title from i think he knows by taylor swift.

the first time lee eunsang saw cha junho, it was dizzying.

admittedly, it took him a while, but he certainly fell. not exactly first sight, eunsang must have seen him among the army that woollim sent to this season of the program, but it does feel like that cliché.

eunsang pays attention to junho when everyone else does: at sangam, the first full appearance of all trainees. eunsang’s not exactly ignored either, gaining coos from older girls for his cherry-red hair and relationship with the cute and petite first center, son dongpyo.

but junho is different.

cha junho: the handsome and mysterious and handsome trainee racking up fans by the thousands right out of the gate. eunsang resigns himself to admiring from afar just like everyone else, junho is certainly out of his league, in another stratosphere.

* * *

as has been proven time and time again, eunsang is wrong about things sometimes.

he still views junho through his rose-tinted lenses, but the older boy is no longer as distant as initially expected. in fact, the pair continue to meet at several points in the competition – whether it be in the evaluation classes where eunsang thinks too much about approaching him until the chance slips or actually performing together, on the same stage for _boss_ and _u got it_.

not only that, but all that time has worn off the shine, both in the way eunsang envisioned him and the armour junho put up on his own accord. in reality, their introverted natures made them into an obvious pair among their team members, surrounded by extroverts suited for these circumstances. when’s he’s around eunsang, junho becomes his truest self: a ball of questions and anxieties and surprisingly-boundless energy, all wrapped into one. much different from the flat image painted by the broadcasters, so much that eunsang wonders how they even drew those conclusions looking at the same cha junho.

after all, it’s junho who convinces eunsang to sneak out to the nearby convenience store while practicing for _u got it_ : seeing junho’s gleeful expression under the streetlights was worth all the words seungwoo threw their way when they returned. it’s junho who talks animatedly about family anecdotes before turning sentimental, confessing that he misses them each and every time. it’s junho who’s too hard on himself, frustration easily piling up when he can’t land a certain note or move, finding issues that professionals themselves struggle to identify.

when they’re practicing for _to my world_ , together again, there’s only a few days left until this is all over and tension is at an all-time high. and yet, junho and eunsang are still together, but the air feels different in the way that they continue to depend on each other.

eunsang convinces the older boy to take a short break, worried that the other will pass out if he keeps going at it any longer. junho stays uncharacteristically quiet though, worry etched onto his face and eunsang can tell.

“what’s the silence for?” eunsang asks carefully. “give me my junho back.”

laughing smally at that comment, junho twirls his shoelace around his finger, keeping his eyes set low and away from eunsang’s examination. “i hope i’ll be able to debut.”

“i hope you will, too. you deserve it,” eunsang says, smiling kindly at junho until it’s reciprocated.

with their eyes meeting, junho’s expression hardens into determination. “i want to debut with you.”

eunsang’s heart beats a bit faster at that. “that’s a lot to ask.” junho’s face falls. “but that just means i’ll have to try even harder, right? what junho wants, junho gets.”

junho laughs at that remark and they leave the conversation at that. eunsang lets junho rest a head on his shoulder until he decides on his own time to continue their practice.

* * *

they do debut together, in x1. it’s down to the wire, the very last moment, but it eventually comes true. what junho wants, junho gets.

he has little time to even find junho among the chaos, full sets of trainees and families and ceos storming in throes. even when he’s distracted by the one person he wants to see most, the hours fly by in the sea of congratulations and eunsang feels like he finally got something right.

as the night of the finale leaves them, dipping into early morning, junho suddenly approaches eunsang and gives him a tight hug before they part for their separate companies. eunsang doesn’t rest easy that night, replaying that one single moment among all that happened and uselessly longing for that feeling again.

* * *

eunsang sees progress in junho.

enough has been said about junho’s professional skills, his improvement has been a constant since eunsang came to know him. no, the new development is that he’s coming undone, getting comfortable with the members. if this was during the show, maybe eunsang would be jealous: he’ll admit he felt red-hot flashes of envy when junho was with seungwoo or yohan, especially during position evaluation. but eunsang knows that their bond is different, on the same level, coming from the same place and understanding each other better than anyone else. his childish jealousy was all in vain anyway, because of course junho would reach for eunsang when asked by the producers to speak to his closest contestant.

in eunsang’s own twisted progress of becoming less of a child, he finds comfort in junho’s immense happiness. hearing junho’s voice pitch in between seungyoun’s frequent comments in the van, seeing him become friends with minhee: it doesn’t hurt like it would before. instead, there’s a little garden of flowers blooming in eunsang’s chest as he observes junho, radiant and carefree, smiling and laughing more often as he enjoys every little part of this new opportunity.

with junho’s true colors on full display, eunsang is the only member to remain relatively unfazed in his presence, comfortable with the way things have been. however, the voiced thoughts of the others cause him to reflect on it. the junho whom eunsang has come to know is so much unlike his handsomely mysterious aura from march, so much unlike the robotic box he was shoved into during the program to simplify editing and storylines. it’s a simple assertion, but junho is so much more than just a plot point.

cha junho is not cold or emotionless or whatever other adjectives get thrown his way. he has his moments of shyness, is awful at masking his emotions, and talks too much sometimes. cha junho is the most human person eunsang has ever met and, by association, he is led to believe that junho is as close to perfect as they come.

returning from their first day of recording, the atmosphere is eerily quiet for what would be expected of eleven young men. vocals cords tired, no one makes much effort to boost the mood, not wanting to jeopardize fatigue and lose some of the few hours of sleep they’re allowed these days.

in a natural move, junho’s head comes to rest on eunsang’s shoulder like always, albeit in a semi-public setting this time. caught off-guard, eunsang hesitates to put an arm around the elder but eventually follows through. “what’s wrong?”

“just tired,” junho mumbles, eyes fluttering open and shut when eunsang looks down at him.

“from all that talking today?” junho protests eunsang’s poke at his excitement to record their own music (something they’ve already experienced multiple times on the program, but if junho says this time is different), punching eunsang’s arm as he laughs. “get your rest now, there’s not much time left.”

wooseok catches wind of their little conversation, staring with furrowed eyebrows. eunsang barely notices that he’s watching before the older man looks away and diverts the conversation to the pressing topics of dinner.

* * *

with the members taking room assignments much too seriously, the initial arrangement takes a crude sort of age order and brings those born in 2002 except for hyeongjun, the last birthday, into one room. gratefully alongside junho, eunsang is also obligated to recognize dongpyo and minhee as his other roommates.

to be honest, eunsang thinks their room has the most entertaining group, high school-aged kids with complementary personalities and plenty of strange late-night conversations. much to his misfortune, eunsang got locked in a losing battle with dongpyo over whether or not a hot dog is a sandwich on their first night in the dorms. it’s generally entertaining to watch junho and minhee navigate friendship after avoiding each other completely before x1.

late this night, dongpyo and minhee are already sound asleep on their side of the room, the anticipated cereal-soup debate postponed for a more appropriate date – likely september at this rate. even without their whispers, eunsang can’t seem to push himself into sleep and he’s frustrated, running out of options and solutions. on a whim, he does what he wants.

“junho.”

the elder hums softly, just barely loud enough for eunsang to hear.

“i can't sleep.” eunsang holds his breath, unable to say any more without his composure.

ever the savior, junho speaks first. “get down here.”

mindful of dongpyo and minhee’s rest, eunsang lands his feet as silently as he can manage. he asks junho with his eyes _is this okay?_ and.

woah.

for someone so tired and worn-down, junho still looks beautiful. the white tee hangs a bit loosely off his frame, his shoulders as wide and inviting as ever. the contours of his forearms are defined by the faint glow from the curtained window and his hands, slender and gentle, are resting in his lap. when junho looks like this, the younger feels an urge to protect him. eunsang thinks junho should come in a package with a fat red “handle with care” stamped on it before realizing the boxing of junho is exactly what he has so strongly opposed.

there’s a bit of hair at the back of his head which is fluffier than the rest that eunsang so badly wants to brush back in place, junho’s brows are raised slightly in question as his eyes shine with something eunsang has never seen before.

eunsang’s heart is currently running around screaming in his ribcage, but he plays it off and smiles down at the older boy. “so, who’s the little spoon?”

junho has busied himself with rearranging his bedsheets, but it’s hard to miss the stutter in his routine and his pinkening cheeks. it’s in these moments that eunsang struggles: _is he blushing because he likes me too? or is he blushing because it’s weird to cuddle your groupmates at night, in their bed?_ “you’re the one who can’t sleep,” junho offers, patting the space next to him.

eunsang ducks down and realizes just how cramped it is on the bottom bunk and he suddenly feels sorry for subjecting junho to this tiny space. before he can elaborate on those feelings, junho’s arms snake around his waist and his brain melts out of his ears.

“sorry, is this a bit weird?” junho mumbles quietly, removing his contact, reading too much into the silence. “i’ll just... be here, if that’s all you need –”

“no, it’s alright.” eunsang abandons any potential feelings of embarrassment but also of regret, reaching to search for junho’s hands and reposition them. he offers a break in the silence. “it’s been hard these days.”

junho lets out a shallow sigh of sympathy, hands burning around eunsang’s waist as he settles them there himself. “i get it.”

eunsang dares a glance over his shoulder, taken aback when junho’s face is expectedly close. he looks down at the younger’s sleepy figure, undeniably making eunsang blush a bit. in a very non-junho way, he maintains eye contact and in a very non-eunsang way, his eyes dart away under the pressure. maybe to junho’s lips, but he’s not quite sure on that one.

“you’re doing well, eunsang, but remember you always got me whenever it gets to be too much.” just one short sentence, that’s all it takes for eunsang’s heart to vomit flowers and rainbows all over junho’s bed. junho’s poor bed.

“thank you. i’m here for you too.”

eunsang immediately curses himself out for his lousy response, nowhere near what he has to say to junho. if he was unfiltered, not watching his words closely in fear of their relationship, he would tell junho about the way his smile shines like the sun and his laughter pours down like rain on a desert, he would tell junho about all the times eunsang knew he liked junho, he would tell junho everything he’s been holding in his heart over these short yet meaningful months.

holding those thoughts in his heart for another day, eunsang drifts asleep, engulfed in junho’s comfortable embrace with his breath fanning gently across the nape of eunsang’s neck.

when the top bunk is empty the next morning, dongpyo and minhee ask no questions, god bless their hearts.

* * *

as if eunsang needs a reminder that x1’s junho is the same as woollim trainee cha junho, the boy continues to harbour insecurities in his dance and the tendency to counteract such thoughts with dangerous amounts of practice.

knowing how junho gets, eunsang stands his ground firm to not leave the practice room until junho has, feeling responsible for his wellbeing. it benefits junho in more ways than one: not only can eunsang tell when he’s too frustrated or exhausted to do anything constructive, but the presence of another person, especially someone as close to junho as eunsang, lightens the mood and makes this necessary evil a bit more enjoyable.

as junho works and works on the choreography for his individual part, insisting that he needs to do this one part best at the least, eunsang joins in and the atmosphere quickly turns fun. with words bubbling out of his lips without a second thought, junho is finally back to normal despite the high-stakes situation.

however, eunsang gets way too caught up in junho’s existence, initially absorbing the older boy’s energy before turning pensive. why hasn’t he done anything yet? should he risk their friendship so close to debut? eunsang’s having a hard time keeping his heart under wraps when junho is being this lovable.

finally, junho jogs over to stop the music instead of rewinding. “hey, you seem distracted. what’s up?” junho asks in a nonchalant tone, but his eyes are stained with worry.

forcing his eyes to stay on junho, reminding himself this will continue until he confesses, eunsang speaks shortly. “i like you.”

as time passes in silence, eunsang prepares himself for junho’s quiet exit — he isn’t confrontational. eunsang hates this awkward silence, the way they are around anyone else but each other. he swallows, directing his gaze from the wall to the boy he likes ( _loves_ , eunsang, this is love).

and then junho smiles and it feels like eunsang has been punched in the stomach, but in the best possible way.

“is that why you’ve been so awkward with me, eunsangie?” his tone is teasing, the younger’s heart twisting at the hint of affection in the nickname.

eunsang sputters out an explanation. “w-were we being awkward? i don't think –”

junho tilts his head back, a giggle bubbling from his lips and it sounds like eunsang’s most favorite song. “you had me so worried, i thought you didn’t wanna be my friend anymore.”

“actually…” eunsang treads carefully, “can we be more?”

“lee eunsang, are you asking me out?”

with sweat clinging to their faces, a slight exhaustion blankets them the longer their limbs stay slack and eunsang wouldn't have it any other way because this is them. this is eunsang and junho, the way they operate, the way they love. the younger can’t bear to hold back any smile. “yeah, i guess i am asking you out.”

god knows who’s initiating it, a mutual effort of the magnetic pull between them, but the mechanics of it are the least of eunsang’s worries when he feels junho’s soft lips on his.

even if it’s short and sweet, their first kiss injects an impossible amount of adrenaline into eunsang’s veins. when they pull apart, mere centimetres between them, junho’s eyes flutter open and gaze back at him with a growing smile and so, so much adoration swimming in his eyes. the younger boy feels his heart seize up and wishes he could kiss junho senseless forever.

and so he begins.

eunsang places a gentle hand on junho’s jaw to guide his chin up a bit, bringing their lips back together. even if this is only the first kiss between eunsang and junho, it feels extremely natural, as if they’ve been here before. it’s in the way they move in relation to each other, eunsang tilting his head and junho shivering in response, holding tight onto him.

they come up for air and junho opens his eyes second, lashes fluttering open when he realizes eunsang is done. with a gentle pout melting into a smile, he says the words eunsang’s been waiting for. “in case you couldn’t tell, i like you too.”

* * *

the sharp breeze of a summer evening pricks at their skin when it’s finally time to leave and junho’s body reacts, likely against his will. naturally, eunsang shrugs off his hoodie and thrusts it at the older in record time, by second nature. junho offers a small smile of gratitude which still reaches his eyes, turning into those little crescents eunsang adores.

junho pulls it over his head and eunsang moves to take the hood off, fixing his hair, dangerously close. he feels junho’s gaze on him and he knows, knowing junho, that his expression right now must be so adoring because he’s just as much of a sap, if not more. meant to be, because who else is going to put up with eunsang and all of his pieces?

eunsang whispers a quiet _let’s go_ , a shared secret between the two of them, as he tucks his hand where it’s safest: in junho’s own. and this is how they leave the practice room that night, finally at peace with their feelings. it’s nothing new on the outside, but when junho smiles at him, eunsang now allows himself to accept that the little hearts dancing in his eyes aren’t his imagination, that junho is as genuine as always.

junho keeps his grip on eunsang’s hand tight for the entire length of the short walk, visibly fearful of the younger possibly letting go. eunsang admires the yellowish streetlights across junho’s face just like _u got it_ days and whenever they meet eyes, the electricity in the air feels different.

with new roommate arrangements set, they’re no longer in the same room and take their private time directly outside the dorms, junho regretfully letting go of eunsang’s hand before they enter the building.

“wait, there’s something i wanna do,” junho says, allowing eunsang no time to respond before putting his hands to eunsang’s cold cheeks to pull him into a short yet impassioned kiss. “there,” junho sighs in satisfaction, busying himself with smoothing the fabric of eunsang’s t-shirt as the boy feels his face flush bright red.

replaying junho’s smile when he wished goodnight, eunsang falls into sleep with a clear mind for the first time in months, finally receiving all the answers to his questions about junho.

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like i improved it a lot from its past form so i hope you enjoyed it! :D i’m not sure how many people are still with this ship, but comments and kudos are much appreciated
> 
> once again thank u so much for reading!!!! hmu on twitter @deuichas or at curiouscat.me/tongham and see u all next time hehe


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